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6 Experiences That Will Boost Your Sex Life

6 Experiences That Will Boost Your Sex Life

By Alexandria Gouveia

Just like any pathway in your life—whether it’s making friends, starting a new job or commencing a sexual journey with someone new—there’s always a learning curve. This is where you get to find out what works, what doesn’t and how to adapt yourself accordingly. When it comes to relationships, once you’ve found out what works it’s easy to get complacent, but don’t beat yourself up—it happens. What’s important is noticing when it gets repetitive and stopping the pattern. Truthfully, it’s not super hard to turn up the heat. You just need to change the routine, communicate, and enjoy the adventure. Here are six simple experiences that will improve your sex life and spice up your relationship.

Read erotic literature to one another

A recent *study revealed that 90% of us are aroused by erotic talk. However, one in five admitted to having stopped sex due to bad dirty talk. So, essentially, it’s highly successful if you get it right, and one fool-proof way of doing so is reading the words of an expert. Select a paragraph or section from an erotic book that resonates with you or turns you on, and next time you’re with your partner ask them to read it out loud to you. Or, better yet, read to them. You’ll be surprised how quickly you’ll both be turned on, and how much more adventurous you’ll feel when not in charge of the narrative. Jessica Leoni, author of erotic fiction confirms, "Research by Harold Leitenberg (of The Journal of Sex Research) revealed women who read romance or erotic novels have 74% more sex with their partners than those who don't. Women fantasize more frequently and have more intense and realistic fantasies when they read suggestive content.”

Ask your partner to describe what they find sexy about you

We know what you’re thinking––you shouldn't have to ask, they should always tell you. We agree, but the reality is we all get a little lazy. So, nudge your partner to open up and reveal the qualities about you that turn them on. Perhaps even ask them to reminisce about their favorite sexual experience with you, and be sure to return the favor. Not only will this boost your confidence, it will also lead to a healthier relationship and a more satisfying sex life. Dr. Lyndsey Harper, founder of Rosy, an app for women with decreased sexual desire, believes communicating with your partner about what you find sexy will help you "learn about you and your partner's preferences, and how you can bring those together to create the best sexually-intimate partnership possible."

Introduce toys into sex play 

If you already use sex toys with your partner then you’ll know how it can elevate sex play. However, if you are yet to experiment or find it intimidating, sexologist Alicia Sinclair offers some reassurance. “[The purpose of sex toys is] to increase connection and pleasure and add to the partnered experience, not detract from it," she says. "Toys are sexual enhancements, like chocolate sauce or sprinkles on ice cream." For those who are worried that the sex toy could replace a partner, Sinclair adds, “That fear is unfounded. There is no replacement for live, human contact." When choosing sex toys,  it’s important to know what functions you desire––clitoral stimulation, vaginal penetration or maybe it’s nipple stimulation you’re after. Talk to your partner, discover their needs and shop accordingly, if you’re located in a country that allows you to buy devices. Toy-enhanced partnered sex can take a while to adapt to, so if your partner is hesitant, introduce the toy slowly into play and show them how it can be used. 

Take a no-sex vacation together

Feeling like your relationship is playing out like groundhog day? Then you need to break the cycle by changing the scenery. “Taking a vacation with your partner may be the exact remedy needed to reignite that connection and spark,” says Christie Tcharkhoutian, a licensed marriage and family counselor. “Often, couples find they are living lives in parallel, but just being together in a beautiful place creates an opportunity to face each other and reconnect.” Whether it’s a weekend at that five-star hotel you’ve always been talking about, or maybe it’s a camping trip sleeping under the stars, book yourselves some time away from the humdrum. However, avoid adding extra pressure to your trip by viewing it as a no-sex vacation––use it as an opportunity to really reconnect. Therapist and sex expert Dr. Juliana Morris says that removing sex from the equation allows couples to focus on rekindling their feelings. “For some couples, eliminating the pressure of having sex can help rekindle romance and connection,” she says, advising couples to try the “anything but” rule. “Kiss and hold hands and go to second base, but that’s it,” she says. “Not going all the way can help relax the situation, as well as allow vulnerability and create a build-up of sexual tension.”

Write down your fantasies 

Sharing your innermost desires with your loved one can feel daunting, so put pen to paper and write down your sexual fantasies. Don't be afraid to reveal what you want and what turns you on. Ask your partner to do the same and share your notes at the same time. Remember, it doesn't matter if you have different fantasies; what matters is opening up to each other, and revealing what makes you aroused. The experience can help you explore more activities together as you learn about each other's turn-ons. Sharing your desires is a big step in a sexual relationship, so if you don't immediately follow through with them, don’t worry. Sometimes it takes more time and baby steps. Sex expert Tracey Cox says, “Working out the scenario together, buying props, and deciding where, when, and how to do it is often just as exciting as actually doing it. Don’t be surprised if, at times, planning ends up being as far as you go.” 


Schedule a date night (with a sensual movie)

Prioritizing quality time with your partner, free from distractions, is imperative to establishing a healthy relationship. Take a break from your crazy schedule and enjoy some tete-a-tete. Get dressed up––put on something that makes you feel sexy––and spend time talking to each face to face, actually looking into each other’s eyes. Compliment one another and indulge in sensual touch. As you feel the connection heating up, put on a sensual movie (not porn). While sex does play a key role in more erotic movies, the sex itself is secondary creating a slower sensory journey, which will boost your libidos leading you to focus on each other’s needs. 

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